You really do have to love Courtney Love.
The Hole frontwoman is claiming (and not for the first time) to be Lindsay Lohan's sobriety coach.
(Pause for laughter).
In the December issue of Details, Love reportedly explained that she had taken the troubled former child star under her broken wing.
I've taken up Lohan because nobody else will. [She's] further down the line than I was, because there was no [gossip websites like] TMZ then.
Courtney has been relatively clean since 2005 -- she has referred to herself as sober, but also admits to drinking (even being drunk) on occasion.
While she's kicked heroin, crack, and Adderall, Courtney Love is certainly not always sober, wrote Maer Roshan for The Fix, Salon.com's blog devoted to recovery from addiction.
In a May 2011 interview with Roshan, Love acknowledged that she began drinking very shortly after finishing a 90-day stint for her addiction to Benzodiazepines.
I've never had a drop of Jack Daniels. I hate the taste of hard alcohol, Love said. What I really like is wine.
Despite her refusal to submit to complete abstinence -- prescription pills are part of her daily life -- Love has expressed frustration at not being able to kick her train wreck image along with her crack habit.
I have this reputation of being a huge drug addict, which is no longer true. People need to believe that I've changed, she told Roshan.
Contrary to public opinion, I've never had a drinking problem...I hate that people still stereotype me as a junkie or a crackhead. The truth is, I did heroin for a while and weaned myself off it. I did crack for six months straight and then I stopped.
Because Love is so disarmingly candid -- however cultivated that might be -- it's easy to believe her when she says she's not doing drugs.
That doesn't mean she's not a mess, of course; she's just a lucid mess.
Earlier this month, at a Hole concert in Brazil, Love lashed out at an audience member who was apparently waving a Kurt Cobain t-shirt in from the crowd. As we mentioned in our story about the bizarre rant that ensued, she appeared to be perfectly alert. While her train of thought have been a bit chaotic, she clearly elucidated and seemed to know exactly what she wanted to say (which was, in short, that Dave Grohl should f--k himself and/or die.)
According to Stylecaster, Love's latest comments are included in High Sobriety, a Details article about the culture of wellness and sobriety among the rich and famous.
It's not the first time she's claimed to be something a mentor to Hollywood's mini-messes.
Love told The Fix that Lohan had called her after getting arrested for one of her DUIs. The judge presiding over her case was the same judge who presided over mine, Love said. He was a very sweet man. I think he was an ex-alcoholic himself. I told Lindsay to just get it together and trust the judge, and Lindsay's father called me for advice every day. I'm not even that friendly with these girls. What am I, a junkie Auntie Mame?
Love also said that she saved Kelly Osbourne's life twice, and that Osbourne later stabbed her in the back.
Even people like Kelly Osbourne feel free to f--k with me, she told Roshan. A few nights ago, when she appeared on Fashion Police with Joan Rivers, that b--ch even called me a crackhead!
...we're talking about fucking Kelly Osbourne, you know? This is a girl whose life I have saved twice, once with C.P.R. and another time with C.P.R. and violence-by which I mean I had to poke her furiously in certain places to wake her up from her coma. When Kelly was on 'X Factor' her mother had to pay a P.R. guy in the UK 100,000 pounds a month to cover up her daughter's drug problems.
She's been sober for how long? Less than a year? Good for her! But it wasn't that long ago when Kim Stewart was screaming, 'Courtney, what are we going to do? Kelly Osbourne is blue on the floor!' Kelly wasn't doing that well back then.
Osbourne has admitted to having a drug problem, but we were not able to locate her referencing Courtney Love's lifesaving efforts.
Love talks more about the crackhead incident in a video that can be found here.
If anyone can explain the chocolate cake/eggs benedict reference, please do so in the comment area. We are stumped.