During an interview with Access Hollywood on Wednesday, reality star Dean McDermott revealed he is leaving the Lifetime series “True Tori.” In the interview, McDermott revealed that while driving around one night, he had suicidal thoughts.

He and wife Tori Spelling have filmed themselves as they struggle to save their marriage following McDermott’s affair with mistress Emily Goodhand, but the “Chopped Canada” host said he cannot do it any longer.

"I'm not going to continue with the show," he said. "We have five more shows left … I can't do this anymore. I can't keep opening a vein, opening my soul and sharing my feelings and thoughts and demons with the world."

The 47-year-old battles depression and substance abuse. He admitted he has not seen the series. "I don't watch it, I can't. It's really difficult," he said.

Tori Spelling Dean McDermott reportedly wants to divorce Tori Spelling after she chose to film a reality show after news broke that he cheated on her. Photo: Lifetime

After his one night stand, McDermott had suicidal thoughts, he said. “I was driving around in my truck with a loaded 9 mm,” he said. “I was put on a 5150 at the UCLA psych ward.”

McDermott said he “almost lost everything” and even though he will no longer continue with the show, the expressed his love for his wife. “I still love [Tori] to death and that’s why we’re still together,” he said. “I hold out a lot of hope. If you don’t have hope what do you have? I love this woman, regardless of what I’ve done. I love her and want to be with her. I want to grow old with her at this moment she feels the exact same way.”

But just because he’s not going to continue with the reality show any longer does not mean viewers cannot see him on television.” I went out an auditioned for a [part] on a 'CSI' and got it,” he said. McDermott’s episode will air on Dec. 14.

 “True Tori” airs on Lifetime Tuesdays at 9 p.m. EST.

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