At mbaMission, we encourage candidates to SHOW their experience, not TELL the reader conclusions. So, for example, a candidate may mistakenly choose to TELL the reader: I performed exceptionally well in my job and was promoted. In this case, the reader is left wondering: What did he/she do so well to earn that promotion? The reader needs the whole story to prove the conclusion.
In this spirit, we find that candidates occasionally think that they are providing the whole story by offering a single data point:
Example 1: For me, as an avid paraglider, extreme sports are not just a hobby but a way of life. In this case, the conclusion-that the candidate lives for extreme sports-is not substantiated. One data point is not enough to prove this conclusion.
Example 2: For me, as an avid paraglider and budding heli-skier, extreme sports are not just a hobby but a way of life. With the addition of the mention of a second activity, the applicant's case becomes more compelling.
Example 3: For me, as an avid paraglider, budding heli-skier and experienced cliff diver, extreme sports are not just a hobby but a way of life. This series of three examples makes it somewhat undeniable that the candidate is indeed passionate about extreme sports.
Of course, we have used a simplified example here and would suggest that a candidate put his/her experience into action (show the passion via experience: Leaping from a ten meter cliff, I....), depending on the context of the essay.