10. “If you wanna cut costs and raise profits, just hire illegal aliens like I do!”

9. “The last guy’s name was what? ‘Apotheker’?? Oh, come on, you’re making that up!”

8. “We paid HOW much for Autonomy??!”

7. “Hey, if you wanna get rid of all these HP Touchpads laying around, I know of a real cool auction site where we could dump’em all!”

6. “PCs, software, hardware, WebOS,… Christ, can you people talk in English?!!”

5. “Could any of you fellows loan me $120-million? I, uh, have a little debt outstanding in California.”

4. “As long as those clowns don’t ‘Occupy Hewlett-Packard,’ I really don’t give a damn!”

3. “Mitt Romney should be elected president on his good looks alone!”

2. “Awright, which one of you guys is Hewlett and who’s Packard?”

1. *“What??? I only get paid one buck a year??!”