Janay Palmer broke her silence Tuesday after her husband, former Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice, was indefinitely suspended by the NFL after a video of the couple’s domestic violence incident went public. In a post to her Instagram account, Palmer defended Rice and criticized the manner in which the media has covered the story of her assault.

“I woke up this morning feeling like I had a horrible nightmare, feeling like I’m mourning the death of my closest friend. But to have to accept the fact that it’s reality is a nightmare in itself,” Palmer wrote. “No one knows the pain that the media & unwanted options [sic] from the public has caused my family. To make us relive a moment in our lives that we regret every day is a horrible thing.”

“To take something away from the man I love that he has worked his ass off for all his life just to gain ratings is a horrific. THIS IS OUR LIFE! What don’t you all get. If your intentions were to hurt us, embarrass us, make us feel alone, take all happiness away, you’ve succeeded on so many levels. Just know we will continue to grow & show the world what real love is! Ravensnation we love you!”

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell announced in July that Rice would be suspended without pay for two games and fined an additional game check for assaulting Palmer in an elevator at Atlantic City’s Revel Hotel and Casino in February. However, the Monday leak of the video that shows Rice knocking Palmer unconscious prompted the Ravens to terminate his contract and the NFL to indefinitely suspend him.

Sources associated with Revel said that the NFL never asked to see the elevator video, TMZ Sports reported. Revel would have provided the video if league officials had asked, the sources added.

“Security for Atlantic City casinos is handled by the New Jersey State Police,” the NFL said in a statement on TMZ’s report. “Any videos related to an ongoing criminal investigation are held in the custody of the state police. As we said yesterday: We requested from law enforcement any and all information about the incident, including the video from inside the elevator. That video was not made available to us.”

The NFL acknowledged in a statement Monday that none of its top officials, including Goodell, saw the elevator video before Rice received his initial two-game suspension. “We requested from law enforcement any and all information about the incident, including the video from inside the elevator,” the NFL said in a statement. “That video was not made available to us and no one in our office has seen it until today."