My Dearest Edward,
I write this letter to you to express my sorrow over cheating on you... also I'm afraid you'll suck me dry if I tell you in person. I'm deeply sorry for the hurt and embarrassment I've caused you and everyone this has affected, but I feel like I must explain myself.
You're cold. You're so cold. Honestly, my skin touches you and I flinch. On a couple occasions after being near you I was actually worried that I had frost bite. I'm not ready to lose a finger or toe. I just watched that movie "Frozen," and it really just grossed me out. So I turned to something warm...someone warm.
Don't go after Jacob, it wasn't him I turned towards for warmth. As you know, I have a thing for older men. While this silver fox isn't nearly as old as your 111 years, he's provided me with something you never could...low heating costs over the winter.
I know money has never been an issue, but overall we want different things in life. You want to murder me on occasion by ripping into my flesh. That kind of freaks me out. My new man has never voiced his desire to savagely end my life...although I'm sure sometimes he's thought of it with my constant stutter, lip biting and the way I follow him around like a puppy dog. I'll have to make some changes, but no one is perfect. Not even my new lover! He has the misfortune of having a wife and two kids.
I know you've seen the pictures of me pressed up against a window with my lover all over me. I'm into doing things in public...heck things even crazier than that! I've tried with you but you insist on playing chess. I know, I know, if it was YOU pressing me up against the window the glass would have broke and I would have got hurt. I feel like you're all talk though since we never even tried. All I wanted was to see you man up, be that strong and powerful guy you've always said you were. And don't cite climbing those trees as a masculine thing. I used to do that all the time as a kid except I finally grew up and got bored of it.
This momentary indiscretion has jeopardized the most important thing in my life, the person I love and respect the most, me. I love myself, I love myself, I'm so sorry.
I know you'll threaten to sacrifice your life to the Volturi or beg your family members to rip your head clean off your body, but don't do it. Think about me. We've been together for four years. I might get bored of my new fling by the time next summer comes around. Plus I don't have air conditioning so won't mind physical contact during the months of June, July and August. Who knows...September might even be a hot one too, but right now I need to think about me and the upcoming cold weather months.
Please stop sneaking into my bedroom. I'll call you sometime.
P.S. Charlie asked me to tell you, "Haha."