Situation and questions: I'd been married for 17 years to a wonderful woman. We are both 39 years old, but after having excellent sex with my wife, I become very, very tired...almost exhausted...the rest of the day. It's like after sex I don't have energy for anything else. I feel really bad about this because my wife does not feel the same way. She says it gives her more energy!

Because of the way I feel after sex, I have been trying not to have sex as often as we used to, but my wife is not satisfied. She says she needs to have sex more often - at least three times a week. I can't keep up with her. I've already gone to the doctor, and he prescribed a hormone patch. I've been with this treatment for a year, and it does not seem to help me. What can I do?

Please help me, R. S.

Dear R. S., The hormone patch may not be sufficient. You should see your doctor again to be re-evaluated. There are also over-the-counter libido enhancers you can try. Some of them are pretty good and work well for certain people.

In the big picture, ejaculating does in fact cause a loss of what the Chinese Taoists call chi. Chi is the life force energy that gives us our passionate nature in life-passion for everything that we do. Men and women are born with varying amounts, according to their personal nature. Not knowing you personally and your day-to-day life situation, you may be on the slightly lower end of the scale when it comes to chi. Whatever the case is, you may have a win-win situation here.

The Taoists say that, for every 10 years of a man's life, he should refrain from ejaculating to an appropriate amount of times during any given month. For a forty-year-old man it's around twice a month. This means you can have sex, even have orgasms, but you don't necessarily have to ejaculate. If you didn't know this, already orgasm and ejaculation aren't the same thing and don't necessarily have to happen at the same time. You can have lots of orgasms and not ejaculate.

Regardless of whether or not you want to become a Taoist Master, you can learn a few Taoist techniques for circulating the orgasmic chi energy and mastering the techniques involved in having orgasms without ejaculating. It is pretty easy to learn, and it sounds like your wife will be very willing to help you learn, too. A dedicated lover can be essential to learning these techniques. A partner who is not willing to help can actually be detrimental. By the way, you will probably see results in as little as two weeks.

The technique involves self-stimulation or partner stimulation to the point of noticing that you are in a zone near the point of no return. On a scale of 1 to 10 that might be a 7, initially. But each time you practice, that 7 will get closer to an 8 or even a 9.9. This can occur fairly rapidly for many men trying these sexercises. At this point you'll learn how to expand the orgasmic feeling so fully that you will begin to have orgasms without going over the top. Your wife will be happy and you'll be very happy. Oh, did I forget to tell you that you will now last as long as you like. She'll be very happy!

It's best if you and your lover have a plan. You may want to get some quality instructional videos, e-courses, books and audio instruction that will make your journey to being The-Incredible-Lovemaking-Man a whole lot easier. It would be good for your wife, too, because it is a little harder for the woman to recognize what your body will be doing. If she can actually see a man in orgasm, without ejaculating, then she'll have a better understanding of what to expect during your sexploration training. Good luck! It's going to be awesome, I just know it.

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