Premier League: Goals of the Week and Goat of the Week

 
on May 09 2012 10:58 PM

Incredibly, the English Premier League has produced yet another chaotic season with more storylines than The Wire and more twists and turns than the last five minutes of an M. Night Shyamalan movie. As we prepare anxiously for the finale this weekend, let's look (belatedly) back on the week that passed and award the Goals of the Week/Goats of the week...brought to you by #FireSteveKean (more on that below).

Goals of the Week:

#3 A milestone 50th career goal in the League for USA's very own Clint Dempsey, came on this scorcher.

#2 The goal that (most likely) won the title. Yaya Toure's 1st strike against Newcastle was the cherry on top of the sundae that was his beastly performance against Man Utd earlier in the week. Bonus factoid: Yaya said No-no to champagne. Coz he's muslim. Duh.

#1 Cisse all the way!

Goats of the Week:

United fans, close your eyes, skip this paragraph and go cheer yourself up by watching some Eric Cantona highlights. We'll see you in about 150 words.

Without a doubt, the gigantic goat of the week, blessed and knighted by the Queen herself: Sir Alex Ferguson! In a winner take all game against local rivals Man City, Whiskey Nose Fergie decides to field a 4-5-1 and plays 'not to lose'. Anytime Ji-sung Park's name is in the starting line-up you know the goal is to play for a 0-0 draw. As I've addressed earlier, this is no way to win the title. If that wasn't enough, the aura around the legendary Scot is simply crumbling. For the first time since Jose Mourinho, someone stood tit-for-tat with the United boss resulting in this bizarre scene on the sideline. Good for you Roberto Mancini! For that humiliating dressing down (in public no less!) by the effervescent Italian, Sir Alex, you are our Goat of the Week!

In the future, when speaking with United fans, I implore you all to simply use 'the Roberto Mancini hand gesture':

(Welcome back to the column United fans)

Bonus-Chicken of the week (literally!): As an intro to those of you not finely tuned into the subplots of this season: Blackburn Rovers are a historic club (who isn't these days?) and are the only team outside Man Utd, Arsenal and Chelsea to have won the Premier league since 1993. Last year they were bought by a group of Indian businessmen in the poultry industry. They fired the manager, Sam Allardyce and mismanaged the team enough to incense the fans into a yearlong revolt against the Poultry owners 'Venky's and the Manager (#FireSteveKean). The team fought for its survival in the league amidst all this turmoil off it and very aptly this happened at the start of their must win game. How does one sneak a large fully uniformed chicken into a game? Ah the Brits. Always enjoyed their sense of humour. Oh and of course, as you would expect after a chicken interrupts play, Blackburn lost and will now be relegated. Long live that chicken in the Blackburn uni! RIP Blackburn Rovers...

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