UFC 147: How to Recover from a Low Blow

 
on June 26 2012 1:10 AM
UFC 147: How to Recover from a Low Blow

Saturday was a good night for Jiu Jitsu tattoos and emotional Brazilians. However, it was a night of horror for testicles.

Striking to the groin. Though technically legal in the very first UFC, this was one of the first actions officially outlawed en route to today's Unified Rules of Mixed Martial Arts. The low blow is synonymous with unacceptable activity.

And yet, it is probably the most common foul called in the UFC. The fights of 147 underscored that ubiquity. I counted at least seven stoppages for groin strikes in five different fights. As with most nut shots at the professional level, all were deemed accidental with no point deductions. Still, the frequency makes you wonder...

Every fighter seems to have his own way of dealing with the ball buster. There is the "shake it out", as demonstrated by Marcos Vinicius. Rony Bezerra laid on his back with his feet in the air, trying some gentle genital yoga. My personal favorite was when Rich Franklin knelt with legs wide, and tried to bounce his boys back to the basement. Another technique that always gets the crowd roaring is when the injured fighter, in this case Hugo Viana, pulls his shorts open and visually checks his package, just to make sure it's still in the correct vicinity.

Speaking of roaring crowds, the testicle tap is a moment of downtime, always filled in UFC broadcasts by at least one slow motion replay, often several from different angles. These replays range from cringe-worthy, as in Godofredo Pepey's glancing blows off Bezerra's cup, to completely-horror-inducing, as in Gabriel Gonzaga's perfectly placed pork pounding of Chris Tuchscherer back at UFC 102. That incident is widely remembered for inducing vomiting from the groinee, most likely also from some viewers.

Also, particularly creepy is the apparent glee Joe Rogan gets from watching these replays. Each time a foot strayed off-target and into man land, you could clearly hear the giddy tone in Rogan's voice. And I quote, "I'd like to see that again at another angle."

However a fighter decides to deal with his damaged goods, he gets up to five minutes to recover. I don't know that bouncing, rubbing, or sitting upside down will fix anything, but I do know that it seemed to work at 147. All fighters on the receiving end of an attempted sterilization went on to win their bouts.

Share this article