10. “I like the Steelers in the Super Bowl as long as that Roethlisberger fellow can stay out of trouble prior to kick-off.”

9. “I was too devastated by Regis Philbin’s sudden retirement to concentrate on the violent street protests raging across Egypt.”

8. “Once you’ve seen one 4,000-year-old pyramid, you’ve seen’em all.”

7. “I will pressure the Egyptian secret police to focus less on torturing prisoners and focus more on having friendly bake sales.”

6. “I offered Joe Biden the Egyptian VP job, but that commute’s a killer!”

5. “Fly to exile in ‘exciting’ Saudi Arabia? No way, Jose!”

4. “Easing into retirement will give me more time to enjoy the wonderfully entertaining and informative ‘Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ series on Bravo!”

3. “If the Egyptian people want me out, they’d better give me a damned good severance package!”

2. “Is Sarah Palin hot or what? Am I right, people?”

1. “I’m changing my name to ‘Mubarack Obama.’”