It's almost Valentine's Day, and everyone could use a laugh to lighten the mood. Whether your love life is a joke or you just need a reason to smile, there are dozens of one-liners and funny quotes on the internet you can read on Feb. 14.

We've rounded up 16 of our favorite Valentine's Day jokes from and Load this page, and read them aloud to your date. We guarantee you'll be giggling by the end:

Knock, knock.

(Who's there?)


(Atlas who?)

Atlas, it's Valentine's Day.

Q: What did the valentine say to the stamp?

A: Stick with me, and we'll go places.

Q: What did the pickle say to his girlfriend on Valentine's Day?

A: "You mean a great dill to me, sweetheart."

Q: What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?

A: Hogs and kisses.

"Today is Valentine's Day, or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!" — Jay Leno

Q: What did the bat say to her boyfriend on Valentine's Day?

A: "I love just hanging around with you."

Q: What gifts do squirrels exchange on Valentine's Day?

A: Forget-me-nuts.

Q: How do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day?

A: They get very scent-imental.

Q: Why is Valentine's Day a good holiday?

A: Because you get to party heart-y.

Knock, knock.

(Who's there?)


(Olive who?)

Olive you!

Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?

A: Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand?

"I love Valentine's Day. When you're a kid, everyone gets a valentine. It's like, 'To Tim: Nice pants! Love, Scott.'" — Mike Birbiglia

Knock, knock.

(Who's there?)


(Oscar who?)

Oscar if she likes me, please.

Q: What did one light bulb say to the other on Valentine's Day?

A: I love you watts.

Q: What does a vampire do on Valentine's Day?

A: Hangs out with his ghoul-friend.

Knock, knock.

(Who's there?)


(Frank who?)

Frank you for giving me this valentine.