***This article was contributed by the Jetpacker, and does not represent the views or opinions of the International Business Times.
With the rising cost of airfare, exorbitant gas prices, and lack of teleportation, we seriously have to consider alternate forms of transportation... including the weirdest ones. Here are 15 of them:
You might be familiar with Jesus' walking on water trick. But what the Bible omitted was that he actually used an Aquaskipper to accomplish that feat (product placement was strictly forbidden in those times). Think of it like a scooter for the sea, only more embarrassing to use. That's because the driver has to hop up and down like a kangaroo to propel this hydrofoil forward.
This is an invention at odds with itself. Couches were designed to satisfy the lazy individual. Bikes, on the other hand, were designed to transport a non-lazy individual with the use of leg strength, a solid core and wispy hair. With the merger of sloth and activity, we now have a contraption that is to transportation what a platypus is to the animal kingdom: laughable and confusing.
Ducks are the ultimate animal. If you dare question that statement, consider this: ducks can fly, walk and float on water. Can a tiger do that? No. Because it's inferior to a duck. And that is why man was inspired to create a transportation device that could emulate the almighty traveling powers of the duck. Hence, the duck bus, an amphibious vehicle that can drive on land or water. If only ducks didn't look so goofy, perhaps the vehicle would be more stylish.
Hot Rod Recliner
The problem with recliners has always been their inability to be used on public roadways. But one man solved that dilemma by outfitting his La-Z-Boy with a lawnmower engine, cup holders, a stereo system, and National Hot Rod Association stickers (which are guaranteed to make anything travel 8mph faster). And now, the hot rod recliner can be yours. The designer had to put it up for auction after getting a DUI on it!
Finally, handicapped people no longer have to be limited by their means of transportation.
Any form of transportation that spits flames is guaranteed to be efficient. And that's the case with the Shockwave, a big rig truck equipped with three jet engines capable of churning out 36,000 horsepower and reaching a top speed of 376mph. Too bad the gas mileage sucks. And, you know, it's not street legal.
We love the idea of owning personal jetpacks, but we don't love the idea of other people owning them too. People can't even drive on a flat, one-way road without getting into an accident. What's going to happen when everyone has to share the skies without any direction or road signs?
The American Gladiators must be pissed they didn't have these at their disposal. A monovelo is just like riding a bike, except the driver sits inside one big wheel. If this thing looks familiar, it's because they were used in the closing ceremonies of the 2008 Summer Olympics.
Personal Flying Saucer
Who hasn't wanted to ride in a vehicle that could be confused for a UFO? The Moller Skycar brings us one step closer to fulfilling that wish. The only problem is, it doesn't get higher than 10 feet off the ground (which means you could slam dunk a basketball into it if you've got skills). Okay, so it's a really expensive flying basketball hoop, which brings shame to aliens and their flying saucers. But at least it looks cool.
A good rule of thumb when it comes to methods of transportation is: the less safe it looks, the more awesome the results. Powerbockers are kind of like moon shoes, except they actually work. They're basically springs attached to your feet that help you jump higher (7 feet), leap farther (10 feet) and run faster (20mph, as fast as an Olympic sprinter). It's like being on steroids without the negative side effects.
The idea that you can pack your bag, then drive that same bag, is awesome. We'd love to be able to get off a plane, hop on a motorized piece of luggage and drive to a hotel, skipping over the smelly taxi with questionable stains on the seat. Unfortunately, that can't happen just yet... because this thing weighs 600 pounds. And we're pretty sure that breaks some kind of carry-on limit. But when someone invents a lightweight luggage car that can be carried and driven, we're in.
Whoever invented the street surfing board must have looked at a skateboard and thought, You know, that looks too simple. How can I make that more complicated? How it works, is a person swivels their feet and hips to gain momentum and pushes the swivel board forward. Think of it like doing hula hoop on a skateboard. Yes, there's danger, and yes, you look silly using it, but at least you'll end up with chiseled abs and possibly a new significant other after one ride.
Swimming leaves you vulnerable to predators of the sea. But it's a fact that sharks and giant octopi have great respect for underwater scooters. With a top speed of 4mph, it'll take you a billion years to explore the oceans. Better hope these things come equipped with a DVD player to kill the time.
The Flinstones were onto something with human-propelled cars. But what the Flinstones never showed us was the horrific results of running your feet over a ground covered in rocks and dinosaur bones and poisonous plants. Luckily, we'll never make that mistake again thanks to the velomobile. It's basically a bicycle car, where the operator propels the vehicle forward by pedaling. One particular feature that makes it superior to the Flinstones mobile is the sturdy frame, which protects against dinosaur attack.
In a world where everything is sloped, a zorb provides a great way to get around. They're inflatable plastic orbs that carry passengers down a mountain like humans in a hamster ball by harnessing the power of gravity. The only problem is, the entire world isn't sloped. Unless it's your parents world, where they had to walk uphill, both ways.