There’s no better way to celebrate Father’s Day than telling a dad joke — or telling Dad a joke. This is your perfect chance to get back at him for annoying you with silly quips your whole life: While you’re at brunch with your pop on Sunday, pull up this story and read aloud these one-liners, quips and quotes.
“I tell my kids jokes as often as possible, and the worse they are the better. Is it just me, or when you tell your children a joke do you actively want them to think it’s rubbish?” Jon Sutton, the blogger behind Dad Pride, wrote in 2013. Give him a dose of his own metaphorical medicine on Father’s Day.
Me: I’ll call you later.
Dad: Don’t call me later, call me “Dad.”
Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.
Where does Fonzie from “Happy Days” like to go for lunch? Chick-Fil-Ey.
Me: Dad, make me a sandwich!
Dad: Poof, you’re a sandwich!
Why is no one friends with Dracula? Because he’s such a pain in the neck.
Jon: What’s the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot’s father?
Jon: One’s a pop fly. The other’s a fly pop.
“My daughter got me a ‘World’s Best Dad’ mug. So we know she’s sarcastic.” — Bob Odenkirk
Dad: You’ll never amount to anything because you procrastinate.
Son: Oh yeah? Just you wait!
“Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.” — Jon Stewart
Dad: Want to hear a pizza joke?
Dad: Nevermind. It’s too cheesy.
Why do bears have hairy coats? Fur protection.
Person 1: I hate oyings.
Person 2: What is an oying?
Person 3: This joke.
I used to work for a soft drink can crushing company. It was soda pressing.
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, “Sorry we don’t serve food here.”
Science teacher: When is the boiling point reached?
Science student: When my father sees my report card!
When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble.
How does the moon cut his hair?
If life gives you melons, you’re probably dyslexic.
Dad: What happens when you talk to a cow?
Dad: It goes in one ear and out the udder!