There’s no better way to celebrate Father’s Day than telling a dad joke — or telling Dad a joke. This is your perfect chance to get back at him for annoying you with silly quips your whole life: While you’re at brunch with your pop on Sunday, pull up this story and read aloud these one-liners, quips and quotes.

“I tell my kids jokes as often as possible, and the worse they are the better. Is it just me, or when you tell your children a joke do you actively want them to think it’s rubbish?” Jon Sutton, the blogger behind Dad Pride, wrote in 2013. Give him a dose of his own metaphorical medicine on Father’s Day.

Here are 19 jokes for dad, collected from Mashable, Boys’ Life, Reader’s DigestBuzzFeed and

Me: I’ll call you later.

Dad: Don’t call me later, call me “Dad.”


Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.


Where does Fonzie from “Happy Days” like to go for lunch? Chick-Fil-Ey.


Me: Dad, make me a sandwich!

Dad: Poof, you’re a sandwich!


Why is no one friends with Dracula? Because he’s such a pain in the neck.


Jon: What’s the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot’s father?

Tom: What?

Jon: One’s a pop fly. The other’s a fly pop.


“My daughter got me a ‘World’s Best Dad’ mug. So we know she’s sarcastic.” — Bob Odenkirk


Dad: You’ll never amount to anything because you procrastinate.

Son: Oh yeah? Just you wait!


“Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.” — Jon Stewart



Dad: Want to hear a pizza joke?

Me: Sure.

Dad: Nevermind. It’s too cheesy.


Why do bears have hairy coats? Fur protection.


Person 1: I hate oyings.

Person 2: What is an oying?

Person 3: This joke.


I used to work for a soft drink can crushing company. It was soda pressing.


A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, “Sorry we don’t serve food here.”


Science teacher: When is the boiling point reached?

Science student: When my father sees my report card!


When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble.


How does the moon cut his hair?

Eclipse it.


If life gives you melons, you’re probably dyslexic.


Dad: What happens when you talk to a cow?

Me: What?

Dad: It goes in one ear and out the udder!