Halloween is quickly approaching, but you don’t have to be scared. It’s actually one of the funniest holidays around because it inspires so many jokes. Skeletons, monsters, witches and ghosts are all fair game for punny one-liners or knock-knock jokes that will leave you howling like a werewolf.

Read on for 25 of the best kid-friendly zingers on the Web this Halloween, collected from halloweenjokes.com, Really Good Stuff and Funology:

Knock, knock.

(Who’s there?)


(Phillip who?)

Phillip my bag with candy, please!

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?

A: He didn’t have any guts.

Q: What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?

A: Pumpkin pi.

Q: What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

A: You hope it’s Halloween.

Q: Why don’t ghosts like rain?

A: Because it dampens their spirits.

Q: What’s a witch’s favorite school subject?

A: Spelling.

Monster: It is a very hot day today.

Witch: So, can I make you a lemonade?

Monster: Yes...

Witch: Poof! You're lemonade.

Q: How can you tell vampires like baseball?

A: Every night they turn into bats.

Q: How does a ghost stay safe in the car?

A: They put on a sheet belt.

Q: Where do vampires keep their money?

A: The blood bank.

Q: What do you call a werewolf with no legs?

A: Anything you want. After all, he can’t chase you.

Q: Why doesn’t the mummy have any friends?

A: He’s much too wrapped up in himself.

Knock, knock.

(Who's there?)


(Orange who?)

Orange you glad it's finally Halloween?

One day, a skeleton went to the doctor's office. When he walked in, the doctor looked up and said, "Aren't you a little late?"

Q: How do you make a witch itch?

A: Take away the “W.”

Q: Why is Dracula considered a great artist?

A: He loves to draw blood.

Q: Why are graveyards so noisy?

A: Because of all the coffin.

Q: What is the tallest building in Transylvania?

A: The Vampire State Building.

Q: Was Dracula ever married?

A: Nah, he's a bat-chelor.

Knock, knock.

(Who's there?)


(Boo! who?)

No, sorry, don't cry. It's Halloween!

Q: Why did the witch throw her broom in the washing machine?

A: She wanted to get a clean sweep.

Q: Why did the cyclops quit his teaching job?

A: He only had one pupil.

Doctor: Who’s my next patient?

Nurse: Mr. Ghost.

Doctor: Tell him I can’t see right now.

Knock, knock.

(Who’s there?)


(Witch who?)

Witch one of you is going to give me some candy?

Knock, knock.

(Who’s there?)


(Gladys who?)

You’re Gladys my last Halloween knock-knock joke, right?