Despite having been married for 13 years, Sean Penn admits in the upcoming issue of Esquire that he has not felt quite lucky in love.
The Oscar winning actor indadvertedly describes his marriage to actress Robin Wright as a "fraud." Having married in 1996, the two endured a bitter divorce in 2010.
"There is no shame in saying that we all want to be loved by someone. As I look back over my life in romance, I don't feel I've ever had that," he told Esquire.
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"I have been the only one that was unaware of the fraud in a few of these circumstances blindly."
Penn divulged that it was until the end of his marriage that be came to these revelations.
"When you get divorced, all the truths come out, you sit there and go, 'What the f--- was I doing? What was I doing believing that this person was invested in this way?' Which is a fantastically strong humiliation in the best sense," he said.
"It can make somebody very bitter and very hard and closed off, but I find it does the opposite to me."
Penn was also married to Madonna from 1985 to 1989, Us Weekly
The divorce also took a toll on his children, daughter Dylan, 21, and son Hopper, 19, Penn told "Esquire." In the midst of the battle, Hopper suffered a skateboard accident that nearly ended his life.
"When he was recovering, seeing the morphine go into him and give him relief created kind of a love affair for me with morphine and that usage of it. It had already been eight months of divorce and (stuff), and raising a kid that's going through the divorce himself, and then this (effing) thing happens ...it was a tough, tough time," he said.
Thankfully, Hopper fully recovered and went to live with his mother following the divorce.
Penn details that he suddenly found that he had a lot of time to himself. Despite attempting to date, he says he eventually found solace in charity work. After seeing the news reports of the earthquake that devastated Haiti in 2010, the actor founded the J/P Haitian Relief Organization.
"You had a country that had never experienced anything that related to comfort, and out of that you had great trauma -- but also this great strength that, I think, we all benefited from."