Tim Tebow Spoof
In a Tim Tebow spoof, crooner John Legend offers advice to "God's Quarterback" telling him to avoid Kim Kardashian's (rumored) advances. REUTERS

10, “Get my knees checked after all that damned praying!”

9. “Change my cellphone number to avoid those persistent late-night calls from Kim Kardashian.”

8. “Get that damned John Elway fellow off my back,”

7.. “Boycott playing games on the Sabbath.”

6. “Declare free-agency and sign a $200-million contract with the Yankees.”

5. “Campaign aggressively for Michelle Bachmann.”

4. “Cancel my subscription to HBO.”

3. “Check to see if the Bible says anything about games of chance and gambling before I blow a big wad in Vegas.”

2. “Vote for a damned Mormon?? I don't think so!!”

1 “Convert to Islam (Allahu Akbar!).”