The soft-porn bondage thriller 50 Shades of Grey is all the rage right now, and everyone is dying to get in on the action. In a transparent bid to capitalize on the new erotic fiction craze, digital publisher Clandestine Classics is releasing a series of erotically remastered versions of classic novels, including Pride and Prejudice, Jane Eyre, and 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.
Clandestine's Classics Exposed collection plans to show the scenes that readers were never allowed to experience before - mainly hot, hot sex between Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy.
The old-fashioned pleasantries and timidity have all been stripped away, quite literally, Clandestine's press release states. You didn't really think that these much-loved characters only held hands and pecked cheeks, did you? Come with us, as we embark on a breathtaking experience -- behind the closed bedroom doors of our favourite, most-beloved British characters.
The classics exposed books are the latest in a line of '50 Shades of Grey' cash-ins. Sure, the book is basically a piece of Twilight fanfiction repackaged as original content, but you can't argue with the numbers. According to MSN, 50 Shades of Grey author E.L. James makes as much as $1 million each week. Now every other publisher is clamoring to get in on the erotic action.
And what could be more erotic than Amy Armstrong (presumably Jane Austen didn't write this line)'s description of Mr. Darcy as, Hot, spicy, and all man?
Of course, it just wouldn't be fair if the books only catered to a heterosexual audience, so Clandestine is making sure to include a steamy version of the classic Sherlock Holmes story A Study in Scarlet, so that everyone can enjoy the action.
Along with Holmes, Watson throws himself into finding the killer, but also finds himself, the synopsis for A Study in Scarlet reads. As Watson reveals more of his desires to his lover, Holmes does his utmost to make sure those desires are met. In a heady time where Watson is thrust into a horrifying murder case, the love he feels for Holmes, and the sexual experiences they share, help him to remain level-headed until the killer is caught.
The books are available for purchase now, if that's something you really want to do to yourself.
Eric Brown is an IBTimes reporter who eats far too much pizza. He is a graduate of Mercer University in Macon, Georgia, and currently resides in Brooklyn.