Thousands of righteous Christians are anxiously anticipating The Rapture this coming Saturday, May 21 (at 6 pm to be precise). But some are anxious about what will come of their beloved pets, who likely do not meet the criteria for eternal salvation.
Enter Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, the only post-Rapture pet care service run exclusively by card-carrying atheists. In an FAQ on its website, the New Hampshire-based company offers the assurance that Each of our representatives has stated to us in writing that they are atheists, do not believe in God / Jesus, and that they have blasphemed in accordance with Mark 3:29, negating any chance of salvation.
For $135, Eternal Earth-Bound Pets guarantees that should the Rapture occur within ten years of receipt of payment, one pet per residence will be saved ($20 covers each additional pet). The company is active in 26 states and has 40 pet rescuers in its network who are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.
Eternal Earth-Bound Pets didn't just get in the game to capitalize on Harold Camp's widely publicized prophesy : News stories about the company date back to 2009, when a syndicated article that first appeared in the New Hampshire Union Leader was published in USA Today. In the article, Eternal Earth-bound Pets co-owner Bart Centre, a retired retailing executive, candidly described his business as a money-making venture, calling it a win-win situation.
There are no refunds, Centre said. If I thought the Rapture was really going to happen, I wouldn't have the business.
Ellen Killoran is the Media & Culture Editor at IBTimes. She previously contributed to The L Magazine, Brooklyn Magazine, and The Daily, and co-produced the HBO...