I don't know what's more of a mood killer...hurling in front of the guy you're about to hook up with, or having your two ex-lovers show up in the doorway.
True Blood's fifth episode, Let's Boot And Rally, picks up where we left off last week - with Sookie and Alice about to get it on. I've waited so long for this, Alcide huskily tells her as he goes to take off his pants. Unfortunately the night won't go as he plans....
Alcide you sure know how to treat a lady, Eric jokes from the doorway as Sookie pukes all over Alcide's shoes. The blonde's alcohol intake is the least of everyone's problems though.
Jason's Crazy Dream
Jason had a rough last week when Hadley accidentally told him that vampires killed his parents when he was younger. Since Jason is having a pretty gory dream about his past (eating breakfast with his parent as punctures from their necks start squirting blood out into their cereal), it doesn't look like he's ready to forget about what he just learned.
Boot and Rally
Sookie, Bill, Eric and Alcide are looking to learn answers as well, and shockingly, Sookie is ready to boot and rally. The unlikely foursome forges a plan to get Sookie to hack into the mind of Alcide's worker, Doug, who was glamoured by the vampire who dug up Russell.
As Sookie dives into poor Doug's mind, we learn that it was a single female vampire, more specifically an Authority member, who dug up Russell from the concrete with her bare hands. While the female vampire is a mystery since Doug never got a clear shot of her face, Bill seems to believe that the Authority member in question is Nora, Eric's sister. Obviously this is going to cause some tension.
Tara's Hot Transformation
I'm just going to come out and say it. Tara has been OBNOXIOUS these past couple episodes. Get over it and embrace eternity! The new vampire seems to be on her way to doing just that when she turns up to Fangtasia (now owned by Pam) in a hot getup. With her new attire (and slightly better attitude) Tara is ready to get this party started, Pam has other plans, telling her to take a shift behind the bar.
Questioning Pam about working, her maker quickly replies, No I want you to sit on your a** and play scrabble. That Pam is always a hoot.
While sarcastic, Pam does know when to lay down the law though, physically and verbally threatening Tara when she goes to bite a customer.
We will rise up, Nora chants from within her cell at the Authority. With each passing episode the former Chancellor is looking more and more suspicious.
If Nora is the culprit behind the vampire uprisings and releasing Russell, she has put Bill and Eric in quite a bind. Bill and Eric learn that the Authority has put a time restraint on their quest to find and destroy Russell. They have until dawn or they will be terminated.
The duo doesn't take the time limit well, and Bill is ready to point fingers as Nora. She's a traitor and a liar just like her brother, Bill snarls. Like a child Eric fiercely responds, Take that back. Meow, boys.
The Fire Monster
This is the most confusing plot line. While I enjoy Terry's character, I'm not going to say anymore about the storyline except that while Terry and his comrades were in war, some dying woman cursed them with a fire monster. Terry's have spouts of crazy and it turns out this fire monster doesn't even need a fire already blazing to strike. Very bizarre.
Andy And Jason Fight Some Crime
The True Blood writers didn't want to leave Sam out of the bad luck. Last week Sam found two of his shifter friends shot dead at their house. This week Jason and Andy are there investigating.
Vampires have been getting away with this shit forever, Jason grudgingly tells Andy while they explore the crime scene. The officers find a wooden bullet with a silver core lodged in a tree...but what does it all mean?
Tara And Jessica Become BFF's
Trade you makers? Tara jokes with Jessica at Fangtasia. Young + Vampires = Friendship made in hell! They're all just so old, Jessica says of Bill, Pam and Eric. We can be girlfriends.
Jessica makes a pretty good case for vampires, and it seems like Tara is becoming more accepting of her situation. We're gonna live forever. We're gonna be young forever. The world is wide open to us, Jessica says with excitement in her eyes. Convincing argument, sign me up!
The two laugh and swap stories of the crazy feelings in their head and their love of blood and sex, but like all girls, the fighting has to come eventually.
The Hunt For Russell
Alcide, we gonna talk about the fact that I puked on your shoes? asks Sookie as the foursome (plus Doug) drive to an old abandoned asylum. Of course Bill and Eric tell Sookie that they will take over the search for Russell from there, but who wouldn't miss the chance to hunt through an abandoned building for a psychotic vampire?! Sookie's excuse for going in was her microwave fingers. A great asset to the hunt. It's me protecting you from him, the still tipsy waitress tells her men. Let's not push it though sister.
The search party finds the usual goodies that can be found in abandoned asylums: spider webs, abandoned equipment, bodies covered in rats, dozens of people chained up to the ceiling strapped in strait jackets...you know the usual. (Best line of the night: A conscious strait jacket prisoner tells the gang, Fatty's first.)
Hoyt Is A Hipster With A Death Wish
Somebody help this poor boy, or set him up with Avril Lavigne. Hoyt is still reeling from his split with Jessica, and has taken to Fangtasia to ease his broken heart. So what does one wear to seduce a vampire? If you're following Hoyt's lead its guyliner, a sleeveless vest, tie over a tee-shirt and painted nails.
Hoyt of course tries to get Tara to bite him, tauntingly stretching his bare neck at her. Shockingly she refuses, telling the desperate boy , Go home to your momma.
I guess Tara couldn't refuse the offer though, because we see her in a bathroom stall sucking on Hoyt's neck, while her new best friend Jessica (and Hoyt's ex) is sucking on a female fangbanger in the next stall. A girl fight quickly begins though when Jessica realizes that the blood Tara is drinking belongs to her ex-boyfriend.
Lafayette Turns To Jesus (Twice)
We know Lafayette is struggling with some powerful magic that he gained after killing his boyfriend, Jesus. After realizing that his magic almost killed Sookie, Lafayette is looking for help from the Lord. The Lord didn't seem willing to lend a hand though, so Lafayette turned to the other Jesus, his dead boyfriend. Asking for a sign that Jesus was with him, Lafayette wakes up to the head of Jesus (with his mouth sewn shut) on his table. Oddly enough Tara's mother wakes up to see Jesus' mouth sewn head as well, and calls for Lafayette. Wonder where this is going...
Shifters Feel The Hate
After telling police about discovering the bodies of his shifter friends, Sam goes to Luna to tell her of the bad news. He seems to have brought the bad news with him though, because upon going to leave he is shot by a group of guys in masks who are very anti-shifter.
Hearing the gun shots Luna quickly runs outside, which brings viewers to think WHY?! Go back inside dummy! While Sam's gunshot isn't looking good, it appears that Luna's is critical. Luna's young daughter follows suit after her mother, and we quickly learn that these masked gunmen could care less if they shoot a little girl.
Sam yells for Emma to run, and she turns into a wolf and takes off while her mother lies presumably dead on the ground.
Took you long enough, an almost normal looking Russell tells the foursome that found him. What an infernal racket you people have been making. Starving and being buried in cement underground hasn't made Russell lose his manors either. Miss Stackhouse always a pleasure.
Russell could be dead with just one swift swing of a stake or microwave move from Sookie. Eric decides to take the taunting route first though, and after telling Russell, We've come to finish what we started, the episode ends with Alcide yelling out and dropping.
What did you think of this week's episode of True Blood?