On Internet dating sites, everybody is "unique." Everybody is well-read, everybody listens to "cool" indie bands, everybody is intellectual and refined and grown-up and perfect. Everybody online is the same boring person because online dating focuses on intellect and depth.
Unfortunately, real-life dating is more about sex appeal. It sounds shallow, but we can't help it; it’s related to evolution. If you’re not physically attracted to a person, you move on. You don’t mate with that person. End of story. Online dating doesn’t allow you to make this distinction until you’ve wasted $48 on drinks and 3 hours with somebody you’d never talk to in real life. You gave them a chance because of what you read, but the chemistry didn’t produce a reaction.
And then there are the people who misrepresent themselves. They look completely different in person because the pictures they had were drastically outdated or heavily edited. Online she looks like Kim Kardashian -- in real life she looks like Rob Kardashian. Even worse, the person you’re chatting it up with may have somebody else managing their account.
You read right. There are people whose profiles are managed by other people. I know, because my roommate used to do this for one of his friends [and no, it wasn’t me].
Online dating throws a metaphorical wrench into the evolutionary plan of natural selection with regard to mating. It attempts to match people who are not otherwise attracted to one another. It puts you in contact with people you would otherwise never be in a situation to meet if not for the Internet. It makes you think that attraction is about reading profiles and matching up favorite books with other people. Furthermore, it makes people think that meeting people online is a substitute for having a personality. It’s not.
Attraction happens when a person sheds his or her timidity and learns how to interact with the opposite sex. That’s why online dating is so sketchy, because most people online have not reached this point in their lives.
Instead, people expect the online dating site to do the interaction for them. There is no substitute for the glow that radiates from a person who truly loves himself and is therefore ready to love somebody else.
Consider this. A man at my gym told me about how he met his wife online. He mentioned that his wife was expecting a baby in January. Every word uttered from his mouth about his marriage painted the picture of settling down. There was not a trace of enthusiasm in his voice. He hedged every sentence with "I guess" and "maybe." He even said, "I mean I guess she could be hotter, but she’s loyal."
He even talked about his wife’s size, as a result of being pregnant, as a problem that would be "resolved" after she gives birth.
The question that popped into my head was "Why are you married to this woman if you’re not happy?" So many people do this. They stay in a lackluster relationship either because they feel like they couldn’t do better or because they’re tired of being alone. Most importantly, people don’t take the time to reflect inwardly and learn to love themselves, and therefore be content being alone. They don’t allow the depression and shell-shock of a sudden breakup to drain from their lymphatic system organically. This is the concept of a rebound relationship.
There are lots of broken people who use online dating as an ‘Esc’ key from their otherwise awkward demeanor. They have not reached the self-love juncture in their lives. That's why they say the online dating pool is contaminated, and why meeting people from the Internet is awkward 95 percent of the time.
Of course, many people have met their husbands and wives online. Many people have met the loves of their lives online and are very happy. The television commercials even say that 1 in 5 marriages are a result of meeting online.
But guess what: 4 out of 5 are not. So, online dating sucks 80 percent of the time.
Nick Gwiazda is a Finance graduate from the University of Connecticut with double minors in Economics and Italian. He has been investing and following markets for a decade,...