Kim Coonan
Kim Coonan

Besides serving as a pivotal day in our nation’s history, Election Day is an unquestionably testy, seemingly never-ending 24-hour period where media types fill up our airwaves talking to elderly women in Ohio and where your Facebook friends -- who aren’t sure what the House of Representatives actually does -- go online to write forceful Wall Posts alerting all of their friends to vote because it’s essential to whatever the heck they think a democracy is.

There are sundry reasons to become ticked off on Election Day. Some people become infuriated after watching Wolf Blitzer talk to a hologram for three hours. Others see no reason why they should have to waste their lunch break (their only hour away from their cubicled hell) waiting outside of a high school gymnasium in the freezing cold only to fill in a bubble and miss out on a brown-bagged turkey sandwich.

Not so surprisingly, there’s a good deal of violence that erupts from these smoldering tensions, though we expect most outbursts to come from enraged voters demonstrating their displeasure that nobody besides them voted for Ralph Nader.

The politicians up for office, on the other hand, are supposed to be on their best behavior--the perfect civil servants, so we’re led to believe.

Bay County, Michigan city commissioners Kim Coonan and Joe Davis were anything but level-headed and tactful today, however.

Instead, the two commissioners--forced to run against each other because of redistricting--got in a scuffle outside of a church after Coonan removed a Davis campaign sign there, according to MLive.

After he touched the sign, Coonan, a Democrat, claims Davis, a Republican, rushed from his car and struck him.

In a too-good-to-be-true quote, Coonan describes what went down, and he sprinkles in a few of his opinions about Davis’ physique.

“He slams on his brakes, and next thing, I see a 400-pound Twinkie come flying at me,” said Coonan, referring to Davis as the Twinkie. “These Republicans will do anything to win a race.”

He later called Davis “a (expletive) low-life” and “a documented liar.”

Today’s incident wasn’t the first time Coonan has questioned Davis’ eating habits. During a heated commission meeting last month, Coonan asked whether Davis was just sitting home and “eating twinkies” instead of running an honest campaign.

Snack food references aside, Davis says there’s another, more criminal side to his churchyard confrontation with Coonan.

Davis says when he entered the church parking lot to politely ask Coonan to take his hands off of his campaign sign, the Democrat struck him repeatedly before, in the words of another Democratic city official who observed the incident, “beating him to the ground.” Davis also says Coonan yelled at him, “I could kill you, you son of a (expletive).”

Davis, complaining of a split lit and a strained back and knee, has filed a complaint with the Bay City Police and plans to take out a restraining order against Coonan, who sits less than five feet away from him during City Board meetings.

We’ll have to see how this one plays out, but we’re taking Romney by 1st Round TKO if things get physical between he and the President.