It could happen at any moment, any second today. The apocalypse, Ragnarok, whatever you want to call it, was originally predicted by the Mayans to occur on Dec. 21, 2012. And here we are.
Since there are no Mayans left to give us any more clues, we don't know when the apocalypse is supposed to start, or where, or how. All we can do is try to live life as if the world is ending later today, which it very well may.
If you're still reading this article, the 2012 apocalypse hasn't happened yet, which means you still have some time to try to cross some of these items off your bucket list. Go ahead, give em a try! What do you have to lose?
1. Change your name to Gizmo Crackinstash.
2. Dress as a baby and get in a fight on the subway. Or at Subway.
3. Send in an absentee ballot for the 2016 election. (Pro Tip: The presidential candidates are Michelle Bachmann and a KFC Double Down sandwich)
4. Skydive naked.
5. Throw a dart at a map, and travel there. No ifs, ands, or buts. Even if it's the ocean. (Pro Tip: There's a 70 percent chance of this happening)
6. Call everyone in your address book and tell them they were your greatest love. Let out one small sob, then hang up.
7. Put a speedo on, grease yourself up, visit your local buffet-style restaurant, and proceed to slide across the buffet slip-n-slide style. Aim for foods like mashed potatoes and macaroni, they will help you glide better.
8. Wear two hats at once. I know, crazy right?!
9. Dress as Waldo then go on a spiritual journey to find... yourself.
10. Cross your eyes as long as you want to, it won't matter much longer anyway.
11. Get a large back tattoo of Rosie O'Donnell on a motorcycle.
12. Visit a store that sells Tempur-Pedic, then ask to do the wine test. They will have to comply. Once you get on the bed to begin the wine test, drink the wine and refuse to leave.
13. Wear a big goofy hat and a fake mustache, buy a cartoonishly big mallet, and visit your local grocery store. Head for the produce aisle.
14. Buy a Furby, then burn the rest of your worldly possessions, because the Furby is all you need.
15. Visit an old folks' home wearing a giant clock suit. When you make eye contact with the elderly, point directly at them, then point at your clock stomach.
16. Paint your house completely green, start wearing a top hat, monocle and cane, and pay your rent with Monopoly money. You will be a happier person, guaranteed.
17. Visit an empty library, sit down to start reading, break your glasses, and , "No! I finally had time now! I had time!"
18. Buy "Fancy Feast" cat food, layer it between two slices of toast, put on a tuxedo, put your napkin on your lap, and eat the sandwich with both pinkies up. OH YOU FANCY HUH?
19. Go to the Grammy Awards and stand up in protest after every winner is announced.
20. Similarly, dress in a golden skintight body suit, hold up a golden-painted beach ball, and get on the trophy table at the Emmys to blend in. Then rig the winners so Jon Hamm wins every award.
21. Ask out every celebrity over Twitter. Don't forget Louie Anderson; he will most certainly say yes.
22. Dress up like Marty McFly and run down the street yelling, "WHAT YEAR IS IT? WHERE ARE YOU DOC?!"
23. Fart the ABCs. You may have to visit the hospital after K.
24. Do everything backwards all day. Walk backwards, speak your words backwards, and throw up all your meals.
25. Tell your boss how much you hate them, then kiss them on the mouth.
26. Hunt and kill your dinner. (Pro tip: You're gonna need a crossbow to kill Frankenberry)
27. Visit a park, look for a "Keep off the grass" sign, and do the opposite. Also do meth. Because you're FREE, and this is AMURICA.
28. Read "Well Done! The Common Guy's Guide To Everyday Success," written by Wendy's founder Dave Thomas. Then write a review for the book on how it changed your life and your view of the business world. Send it to me, because I'll need stuff to publish when both of my arms are blown off during the apocalypse.
29. Buy a Microsoft Surface, because you've always wanted to own an expensive brick, and money doesn't matter when you're dead.
30. Call your grandparents. Just call.