Brad Pitt Is Now A Furniture Designer

Whether he and the Interrupted Girl are adopting half of Malawi, or he’s starring as the leading ingredient in the popular prescription sleep aid “The Tree of Life,” Doug Pitt’s Brother Brad can’t seem to keep himself out of the headlines.

Now, after a successful run confusing viewers as the Chanel No.5 spokesmodel, Brad’s back with his next crackpot project: furniture design.

Of course, any time a celebrity comes out of left field to tell us they want to do something besides make millions and eat at fancy restaurants, we’re told it’s something they’ve been “toying with for years.”

The publicity surrounding Brad’s foray into drafting is no different. Architectural Digest of course includes the money quote that Pitt’s been “doodling ideas for buildings and furniture since the early 1990s,” lest you mock his ambition and call him a dilettante.

Next, Brad lists Charles Rennie Mackintosh and Frank Lloyd Wright as inspirations, perfectly fulfilling the “long-held idea and two names” credibility formula. 

Now that Brad’s established himself as no amateur in the drafting game, we can — with the full faith and credit of a cultured Architectural Digest reader — delve further into his constructive ambitions.

He’s reportedly teamed up with friend and designer Frank Pollaro to debut a dozen furnished pieces this November in New York. Frank and Brad, naturally, get along like old chums, most likely because they “embody the same mad spirit of the craftsmen of yore,” says Brad wistfully.

And, Brad tells us, they both “have a predilection for far too much wine,” which is a gut-splittingly hilarious aside that should leave you chuckling in haughty hysterics.

The big question is, of course: What opuses will be in Brad’s debut collection? Not one to start off slow, with something simple like a bookshelf, Brad started with a bed featuring — among seemingly 45 other abstract refinements — a cantilevered bench, exposed nickel trusses, integrated shagreen foot pads, and you lost us…

But there’s more: Brad’s also rolling out a marble bathtub and a table with a 24-karat gold finish — you know, for the common folk.  For a few of the chairs in his collection, Brad estimates that they’ll start off at $45,000, so you better make sure your tooshie is ready for that kind of price tag.

When he’s not sitting in his mahogany study drinking aged scotch and thumbing his nose at novices who misconstrue tenets of modern design as layered classical maxims, Brad sometimes acts in movies. His next film “Killing Them Softly” looks very entertaining. It opens later this month.