Google, Norad Tracking Santa 2011: Claus Forced Down near Wall Street, Must Rally for Final Leg [BREAKING]

A New Yorker's Opinion

   on December 24 2011 7:29 PM

Santa's high-tech sleigh developed significant problems, according to the Claus, when interviewed at the Killarney Rose, in the Wall Street area late tonight. NORAD is covering for him, while the elves work frantically to reboot the system that is the heart of the radical, new design.

I was doing fine, but then the unstable-wing-configuration software developed problems and I was force to bring her down. It was a little rough, but the reindeer are fine, he told IBTimes' A New Yorker's Opinion, And don't believe the NORAD tracking data, either. They're covering for us, while we desperately try to reboot the computer, bless their holiday spirit.

As reported earlier, this year's sleigh is a radical new design for Claus, who was forced to move to a new unstable wing configuaration with higher maneuverability ever since the drone-wars upped the ante for his around-the-globe flight.

There are those who  want to see us fail, he said. It's sad, but some people just no longer believe in Santa Claus. They complain we've grown too big, that we are fostering 'nannyism,' and dependency on others for gifts. Some think we should just kill of the program entirely. And with NORAD's involvement, there is the whole, military-industrial-complex issue coming  up. I just wanted to get some presents to kids who were good this year. Is that such a bad thing? Sure I'm a big institution, but sometimes a family just can't manage Christmas cheer all by themselves.

The red-suited, generously-proportioned man by me at the bar sipped his seven-and-seven ruefully, wiping a few stray drops from his flowing white beard.

I couldn't help but wonder. Was this really socialism? Isn't there some way that a large, obviously well-endowed program that spoke of the Christmas tradition of sharing, caring for others and giving, also embody, somehow the spirit of capitalism? Or have we gone too far, polarized too much?

Do you suspect foul play? I asked him. Any chance some evil-doer put malware into the sleigh's high-tech programming

We doubt it, said Claus. But program cutbacks this year did force me to offshore software development. And you can never be 100 percent sure of security with a highly distributed workforce.

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