“Orange is The New Black” will officially premiere its entire Season 2 on Friday, June 6, at 12:00 a.m. Pacific time on Netflix, which means you might want to call out of work now so you can binge watch that baby! Just kidding. We don’t condone such behavior – that would be insane.
But if you happen to do so -- wink -- catch a cold -- wink -- on Thursday night, here’s the guide to prepare you for what’s to come in Season 2 of “OITNB.” Because let’s face it … after the show’s 11-month hiatus, we too are a bit hazy on what went down in the show's freshman season. So, dear reader, this is your guide to feed you the most vital information about what happened in Season 1. Feeling hungry?
Episode 1, “I Wasn’t Ready”
Piper Chapman gets sentenced to 15 months in a women’s federal prison for a crime she committed 10 years earlier (transporting a suitcase full of drug money.) She leaves behind her fiancé, Larry, her botanicals business and her lavish/comfy lifestyle.
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During her first few days behind bars, Piper offends the most powerful inmate in the prison, Red -- the bold matriarch and prison kitchen chef. As a result, Piper's life is turned into a living hell. But things only get worse when the protagonist's former lover, Alex (who recruited her to carry the drug money), gets sentenced to the same prison.
Episode 2, “Tit Punch”
After insulting Red’s food, Piper is starved out by the kitchen. Even the inmates are too scared to intervene to stop Red’s punishment. Everyone except “Crazy Eyes,” that is, who helps Piper concoct a medicated lotion to soothe Red’s aching back. This ultimately ends Piper’s unintended fasting.
This is also the episode in which we get a look at Red’s life before prison. Flashbacks explain Red's backstory about how she was once an outsider in a group of hoity-toity Russian housewives. In one flashback, viewers see Red pop one of the Russian wives' breast implant, which is how her family gets mixed up in “holding packages” for “business men.”
Episode 3, “Lesbian Request Denied”
Piper has a lot on her plate in this episode: She lost authority over her soap-making business with her best friend, Polly; turned down advances from “Crazy Eyes,”; deal with the repercussions of turning “Crazy Eyes” down (there was pee on her bedroom floor); and make nice with her not-so-nice roommate, Miss Claudette.
In episode 3, we learn about Burset and that she’s behind bars because she committed credit card fraud to finance her gender reassignment surgery. She asks her wife to smuggle in pills to maintain her female physicality but is flatly turned down.
Episode 4, “Imaginary Enemies”
Ah, the screwdriver episode! The ladies of the prison have found themselves in deep -- ya know -- when a tool (aka a weapon) goes missing from the electrical shop. Mendez, who is better known as officer Pornstache, molests Piper while “looking” for the screwdriver. Turns out Piper did have it. But she took it accidentally. Miss Claudette freaks out because she could be held accountable for this, and she doesn’t want to spend any more time in prison than necessary.
After the search comes to an end, Piper and Miss Claudette make peace. Chapman offers to review appeal letters for her and other inmates who want help. We also find out how Miss Claudette was locked up for murdering a man who abused one of her housekeeping company's employees.
Episode 5, “The Chickening”
This was hands down one of our favorite episodes. While relaxing in the prison yard, Piper spots a chicken. She finds it weird and tells the inmates. Red starts freaking out and offers a reward to anyone who catches the chicken and gives it to her to so she can cook a proper meal -- and “absorb its powers.”
We also learn in this episode that Alex is the one who gave Piper’s name to the Feds from Larry; Bennett and Dayanara start taking their relationship a little more seriously after passing notes to each other; and that Burset was denied estrogen pills.
Episode 6, “WAC Pack”
Because Larry told Piper that Alex had nothing to do with her imprisonment, the two ex-lovers start rekindling their relationship. But what does Larry care? He’s more interested in writing about his fiancée’s hardship than helping her through it.
While Piper’s relationship with her fiancé crumbles, Dayanara and Bennett’s only grows stronger, especially when the prison guard turns down Dayanara’s mother, who tries to put the moves on him. Because of this, she opts to perform oral sex on him, which is when she discovers that he has a prosthetic leg.
Episode 7, “Blood Donut”
Watson finally gets out from SHU (Security Housing Unit/Solitary) and comes back with a beef with Piper for getting locked up because Piper misplaced the screwdriver. Also, Piper gets the track reopened for the former track star-turned-robber. But that’s all she’s able to do with her “bullshit” power.
Doggett becomes infuriated with Piper’s title because she wanted to use it to obtain new teeth. Alex gets annoyed with Doggett and gives her a taste of her own medicine by threatening to rape her.
Episode 8, “Moscow Mule”
Mendez has been pestering Red to smuggle drugs into the prison but so far she’s refused. But Mendez eventually gets his way when Nichols, Red’s right-hand woman, gives him the scoop that the cook gets contraband into the prison through “Neptune’s Produce,” a company Red might have been affiliated with when she worked with the Russian “businessmen.” Nichols betrays Red because Red cut off Miller, an inmate who went into drug withdrawal and was sent to SHU.
Larry’s article based on his fiancée gets published in Episode 8, but the information sends the prison into a whirlwind. Healy, who has some sort of vendetta against lesbians, starts treating Piper coldly when he learns of her affairs. We also find out Dayanara is pregnant.
Episode 9, “Fucksgiving”
Mendez gets his drugs into the prison, but Red flushes them down a toilet. That pisses off the prison guard, which is when he retaliates by peeing on the Thanksgiving turkey and issuing Red a death threat.
Dayanara attempts an abortion but resolves to keep the baby, which pleases her mother.
During a Taystee’s goodbye party, the ladies celebrate by dancing -- to none other than Kelis’ hit single “Milkshake.” Even Alex and Piper show off their moves! Doggett spots the “lesbianing” activity and alerts Healy, who throws Piper in the SHU. The officer goes a step further and calls Larry, which we assume is to break the news toLarry about his fiancée’s current affair.
Episode 10, “Bora Bora Bora”
Bennett becomes worried about Dayanara's pregnancy, which could result in major disciplinary action for him since the inmate has no rights, not even to consent to sex. It’s later revealed that his prosthetic leg isn’t from his tour in Afghanistan but from a dirty hot tub in Florida, which means Aleida’s plan to cash in his limb won’t exactly work out.
A group of “Scared Straight” juveniles go to the prison to get “spooked” by the inmates, but little happens other than Doggett forcefully throwing one of the trespassing juveniles from her wheelchair as she attempts to "heal her." She gets sent to the psychiatric ward.
Mendez gets Miller, who is currently being shunned by Red, to sell drugs. But because of her unstable state, she ends up overdosing. The ladies are beside themselves over her death, especially Nichols and Red, who blame themselves for what happened. They begin to plot to take Mendez down.
Episode 11 “Tall Men with Feelings”
Nichols and Red’s plan involves Dayanara, who doesn’t want anyone finding out that Bennett impregnated her, and the dynamic duo become determined to see Mendez crack. So they attempt to pin a rape charge on him. But their plan fails when Mendez uses a condom.
Larry gets to tell his side of the story during an interview on NPR. But his comments are particularly hurtful when he recites the negative things Piper told him in confidence. Larry knows Piper cheated on him, which is when he reveals that Alex was the one who gave her name.
“How does it feel to be in love with the woman who ruined our lives?” he asked.
Episode 12, “Fool Me Once”
Finally, Mendez is caught having sex with Dayanara and is put on unpaid lead to avoid a rape investigation. Dayanara tells Bennett what she did to protect him, but he’s livid.
Claudette’s appeal gets denied, and in a moment of weakness, she attacks a guard, which lands her in maximum security. We also find out the why Yoga Jones is locked up. She mistakenly killed an eight-year-old boy after thinking he was a robber. Doggett’s storyline reveals that she killed an abortion provider who “disrespected” her. In Episode 12 she attempts to baptize Piper, but Chapman is unwilling to participate. That causes Doggett to start planning how to murder her anti-Christ-loving foe.
Episode 13, “Can’t Fix Crazy”
In the last episode of the season, Red gets stripped of her title as head cook. She’s replaced by Mendoza. Red attempts to sabotage the kitchen and as a result, she gets starved out. Sound familiar?
But the episode's crazier storyline is between Doggett and Piper. The toothless inmate has been threatening Piper to tears and eventually owns up to her words when she attacks her foe with a shiv fashioned from a wooden cross. Piper calls out to Healy for help but he ignores her. When Doggett strikes, Piper kicks her to the ground, jumps on top of her and starts hitting her repeatedly.
Aaaand that’s how Season 1 ends! Any questions?