God bless America — we made it to the general. After an exhausting primary season that included 12 Republican and nine Democratic debates, it's time for nominees Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton to stop trading barbs on Twitter and face off in person. The first presidential debate is set for 9 p.m. EDT Monday at Hofstra University in Hempstead, New York.
It's going to be a doozy, so let's get boozy. Don't simply watch the debate — drink during it. Here are our rules for when to sip, gulp and guzzle during Monday's showdown, with suggestions from Cloture Club and the Massachusetts Daily Collegian. Print out this list, grab a domestic beer and plop down in front of the TV.
With liberal libations — and no, I'm not talking about politics — we might just survive until Election Day. As always, drink responsibly. (And vote. Definitely vote.)
Take a sip of your drink if/when..
...Trump mentions Clinton's deleted emails or Benghazi.
...Trump criticizes the Obama administration.
...the candidates speak over each other.
...the audience boos.
...either candidate name-drops someone you suspect they're probably not that tight with.
...the camera shows any of the Trump children in the crowd.
...Trump calls Clinton "Crooked Hillary."
...either candidate blames the media for their performance.
...Clinton says that "America is already great."
Take a gulp of your drink if/when...
...Clinton has a coughing fit.
...Clinton looks like she might walk over and strangle Trump.
...anyone says "Skittles," "Putin," "deplorable" or "pneumonia."
...Clinton shakes her head while Trump's speaking for more than three seconds.
...Trump offers a proposal without giving details about how it would work.
...Trump mentions the wall he'd build along the border with Mexico.
...Trump rolls his eyes.
...you imagine Jeb! Bush at home on the couch with his head in his hands.
...there's an argument over New York values.
Guzzle your drink if/when...
...anyone asks, "What is Aleppo?" a la Gary Johnson.
...you wonder why there are no commercials.
...Clinton is obviously trying to score with a certain demographic. (Think "How do you do, fellow kids?")
...Lester Holt has to remind the candidates to come back to the original topic.
...Holt mentions his mustache (or lack thereof).
...either candidate does something that will definitely be a GIF later.
...they promote their websites. Seriously, is it 2001? We can find you online.
...someone says something you agree with. (Hey, it could happen.)
...you find yourself missing the days when all you had to worry about was whether Ben Carson was going to fall asleep on stage.
And finish your drink if...
...Jill Stein shows up to protest not being included and ends up vandalizing the stage, writing "I approve this message" in red spray paint.