“Sharknado” struck Syfy on Thursday and it was epic. The disaster film pulled out all the stops (and skimped on the special effects) to become possibly the most tweeted about made-for-TV movie.
If you chose “Titanic 3D” over the hot mess that was “Sharknado,” then fret not over missing out – I’ve broke down the top 5 campy shark kills of the evening:
The Surf Board Shark
What do you do when you see a shark in the water? You yell for everyone to get out of the water! … and you’re also supposed to get out of the water yourself. Ian Ziering’s Fin never caught on to the last part, and fortunately it ended up working out for his friend Baz (Jaason Simmons), who got attacked by a shark while on his jet ski. We’re assuming Baz was in too much pain to just hit the gas on the jet ski (I mean it was gnawing on his foot), and Fin couldn’t watch Baz get devoured. Instead Fin swam on over and started beating the shark with his surf board.
The Pool Stick
Turns out that Fin is a bar owner and shark and weather expert. Heading back to work with Baz after the attack (just shake it off man, you only just witnessed a massacre on the beach), Fin just had a bad feeling in his gut that the storm was going to get bad. And within a few minutes of telling his bar patrons to head home, a giant wave sends a shark right through his ocean front window.
Flapping by a pool table, the flesh hungry shark is slowly snapping its way toward a scantily clad blonde, but Fin’s is a strict no-shark tolerance bar. With the blonde too scared to get up and run, Fin’s employee, Nova (Cassie Scerbo) swoops in to save the day by grabbing a pool stick and swiftly impaling it through the shark’s head.
The Bar Stool Shark
Every bar needs its inappropriate drunk, and that guy was George (John Heard). George loves to get a little handsy with Nova, and while the waitress usually fends off his advances, she’s definitely glad he’s around when the Santa Monica boardwalk begins to collapse (#TooSoonAfterSandy) … and sharks attack. Although Nova is carrying a pretty powerful gun, she freezes as a shark on the boardwalk chomps its way toward her. (Turns out, she has a past history with sharks, but that’s a whole other can of worms that we’re not ready to open.) About to become shark food, George swoops in to save the day … with his bar stool. The guy is super attached to that stool, and while it doesn’t come in handy for another shark kill, he does manage to use it to save a dog locked in a car.
The Bomb Shark (s)
Spoiler alert: Ian Ziering’s character has two teen kids with his ex-wife April (Tara Reid). After rescuing April and his daughter, Claudia, from their house in the Hills, they head off to go find his son Matt, who's in flight school. I don’t know where the U.S. government is in all this, but Fin, Baz and the rest of their ragtag group decide that it’s up to them to stop the shark filled tornado (Sharknado) from wreaking anymore havoc on the city. So, they come up with a plan … take a helicopter and drop a bomb in the middle of the tornado, killing the sharks and potentially stopping the tornado.
Thank goodness they have a bomb parts store right next to the flight school, so after building a bomb (who knows how to do that?!) Matt and Nova hop into a helicopter to throw it into the center of the sharknado. The bomb ends up working, sending a ton of sharks flying out of the sky but also resulting in Nova falling out of the helicopter and straight into the mouth of a hungry shark.
The Chainsaw Shark
It’s raining men sharks, and Fin is running through the streets, chopping them with chainsaw’s every chance he gets. But as he’s running back toward his family, he spots a shark falling out of the sky and straight for his daughter. After just patching up his relationship with her, he can’t let her die by being crushed by a shark. So instead, Fin pushes her out of the way and jumps straight into the mouth of the shark with his chainsaw running.
The shark hits the ground and Fin is nowhere to be seen, leaving his family to attempt to shed some tears for him while letting out little yelps of “dad.” But fortunately Fin is a fighter, and his family soon hears the chainsaw roaring from inside the shark. Using the tool to saw his way out of the shark (kind of what I think a backward C-section would look like), a blood covered Fin crawls out of the shark’s stomach. But Fin’s not done there. Reaching back inside the chainsaw-made hole he came through, he pulls out Nova. (Small world being swallowed by the same shark that fell out of a sharknado.)
Did you watch “Sharknado?” What was your favorite shark kill in the Syfy movie? Let us know in the comments section.
Amanda Remling studied journalism at Monmouth University in West Long Branch, NJ.
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