Therefore, without further delay, here are The Top 10 Reasons to Vote for Michele Bachmann for President -- announced in Late Show with David Letterman-esque fashion, from number 10 to number 1:
10. Unlike Sarah Palin, Bachmann knows that Africa is a continent.
9. I don't care that Bachmann didn't know that Lexington and Concord are in Massachusetts; I thought they were in Rhode Island.
8. I voted for George Wallace in 1968. Bachmann's an improvement.
7. I've read a lot about the gas lantern age in the United States, and I think we should return to living like that.
6. I like the way Bachmann welcomes all sections of society and walks of life; she reminds me a lot of Richard Nixon.
5. Former President George W. Bush met Bachmann at a campaign stop near New Orleans and said, And Bach-eee, you're doin' a heckuva job!
4. I don't think accurate historical knowledge of the Founding Fathers is needed to understand the U.S. Constitution. What did the Founding Fathers have to do with the Constitution, anyway?
3. I agree with Bachmann's habit of demonizing her opponents. If you can't demonize your opponents in a political debate, when can you?
2. It sure beats listening to Vice President Dick Cheney for eight years in place of President Bush, I tell you that!
And the number 1 reason -- Mr. Paul Shaffer a drum roll from the CBS Orchestra's drummer, please -- to vote for Michele Bachmann for president:
1. Bachmann has more personality than Mitt Romney does after two martinis.