10. “At least now, Paul McCartney won’t be calling and bothering me anymore about stealing The Beatles’ famous Apple logo!”

9. “Don’t worry, Apple stock will be fine. I mean look what happened to Microsoft shares after Bill Gates left!”

8. “Now I’ll be free to pursue my fondest goal in life – becoming a judge on ‘American Idol’!”

7. “Hey, the new guy will do a great job… Tim Koch or, uh, Cook, or whatever the hell his name is.”

6. “Do I still get to keep my key to the executive wash-room?”

5. “How long will it be before people catch on that all them iPhone models are pretty much the same?!”

4. “Finally, I’ll be able to get away from all you nerdy tech geeks and hang-out with real men! Rick Perry, I’m all yours!!”

3. “What’ll I do as chairman, you ask? Golf, golf and more golf!”

2. “Hey, with that starting pitching staff, even I could take the Phillies to the World Series,”

1. “You won’t have Steve Jobs to kick around anymore.”