We've finally reached the last debate. The end of this election cycle is so close you can taste it, and by "taste it" I mean "drink for the next 19 days and then sleep 'til inauguration."
The final presidential debate is scheduled to start at 9 p.m. EDT Wednesday. Chris Wallace will moderate, Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump will duel, and you will play this drinking game to get yourself through it. Grab a domestic beer or red, white and blue cocktail and put on a live stream. You owe it to yourself.
Take a sip of your drink if/when...
... Clinton brags about her temperament (or uses her famous any-man-you-can-bait-with-a-tweet mantra).
... Trump claims the election is rigged.
... you have to remind your friends/grandma that you're more likely to be struck by lightning — twice — than experience voter fraud.
... Clinton uses "trump" as a verb or "trumped up" as an adjective.
... Trump mentions the alleged "quid pro quo" deal State Department official Patrick Kennedy allegedly proposed in exchange for the FBI not classifying some of Clinton's emails.
... the candidates go over their allotted time to answer a question.
... anyone says "Billy Bush," "drug test," "Russia," "Barack Obama" or "the American people."
Take a gulp of your drink if/when...
... Clinton sounds way over-rehearsed.
... Clinton rolls her eyes.
... Trump interrupts Clinton.
... Clinton pulls a Regular Citizen's anecdote out to illustrate a point.
... Trump says "bigly." (Or is it "big league"?)
... Trump suggests Clinton should go to jail for using a private email server as secretary of state.
... Clinton calls out Trump for his alleged inappropriate touching of various women.
... you idly scroll through your Facebook feed and see a friend make a cringe-y comment.
Guzzle your drink if/when...
... Trump starts in on Bill Clinton's extramarital affairs.
... Clinton interrupts Trump.
... Trump brings up the WikiLeaks release of Clinton campaign chairman John Podesta's emails or FBI files.
... Clinton coughs.
... anyone sniffs. (Or is it the microphone?)
... you remember that there are reporters that have to cover this thing sober.
... you feel bad for the moderator.
... the candidates tell you to go to their websites.
And finish your drink if/when...
... first lady Michelle Obama shows up and finally announces her candidacy. Took her long enough.