Is 2012 the year of the spawn of the devil? Snooki might be off the hook with birthing Satan's child since Michael Lohan announced this week that Kate Major, his on-the-restraining order, off-the-restraining-order girlfriend is expecting. But the real question is what are they expecting?
I can confirm Kate is pregnant and in her first trimester, Major's manager stated to the Huffington Post.
Since Michael, a numerous time father of the year nominee, is said to be the baby (or spawn) daddy, it brings up a major issue. Kate Major had a restraining order against Lohan that was only lifted a couple weeks ago. Is this an immaculate conception or the deed of illegal activity?
Michael Lohan is the father to four children with ex-wife Dina Lohan, Lindsay, 26, Michael, 25, Ali, 18 and Cody, 16. In 2008, Lohan's former mistress, Kristi Kaufmann came forward and revealed that Michael Lohan was the father to her daughter, then 13-years-old.
Lohan's child with Major will be lucky number six for the dad. Looking at the symbolism of the number six (along with Lohan's history), this baby could possibly represent the imperfection, the sin, the Evil.
The number six has long been associated with being evil and the devil. ParanormalNews.com states that the Bible considers the number 666 to be the mark of the beast.
The beast could have marked Major while they were legally supposed to be separated from each other. According to the Daily Mail, Lohan claimed that Kate was trying to get pregnant by him.
I was in the hospital with kidney stones and Kate just barged in! Lohan reportedly said back in April. She's been taking ovulation tests trying to get pregnant from me.
If the two had stayed away from each other like they legally should have, a pregnancy wouldn't have occurred...unless it was an immaculate conception at the hands of Satan.
Another possibility? Kate Major is possessed by the devil. Possession would have caused the should-be sane woman to defy the restraining order that SHE took out against her former lover. Further food for thought on the woman's possible devil baby is that she was caught with her bump on the beach, with two reading materials: Brides magazine and the novel The Girl Who Played With Fire. Brides is six letters, and The Girl Who Played With Fire is six words. Also, the word fire could take on many different meanings for Major and what's growing inside her.
**This article is a satire, written strictly from my imagination. I'm pretty sure Michael Lohan or Kate Major are not possessed or spawning any of Satan's children...pretty sure.