The Best Oscar Night Drinking Games 2013

Whether Seth MacFarlane insults celebrities in a Stewie voice all night long or Joaquin Phoenix shows up looking like one of the Mumford & Sons, you probably don’t want to watch the presentation sober. Fortunately, you don’t have to. The Internet is awash with Oscar night drinking games -- for everyone from casual movie fans to serious cineastes.

IBTimes culled together some of the best Oscar drinking games on the Web. So even though Jennifer Lawrence could very well win Best Actress for her overrated performance in “Silver Linings Playbook,” the good news is, you probably won’t remember her acceptance speech in the morning. And, after all, what good is Hollywood’s biggest night if you can’t turn it into your best reason to call out sick on Monday? As always, drink responsibly.

Esquire Magazine

Who else but the dapper editors of Esquire could come up with a game that assigns drinks perfectly tailored to each nominee? Are you rooting for “Amour”? If so, grab yourself a bottle of the best red wine you can find. Is “Les Mis” your pick? Then pick up some French vermouth and curacao. And if you’re pulling for “Zero Dark Thirty,” fix yourself a stiff dark and stormy. Esquire’s rules have you taking a sip every time Quentin Tarantino smirks, taking a gulp every time someone pulls a Joe Pesci (as depicted in this video on YouTube), and downing the whole bottle if someone drops one of the statuettes. Don’t say it couldn’t happen. Sally Field is nominated. Full Game

Minneapolis City Pages

Here you have the double-whammy of a drinking game created by an alternative weekly located in the Midwest, so these folks should know their drinking. It’s a nicely assembled game, complete with special challenges and even a “sober break” for that inevitable moment when some industry executive steps onstage and lectures everyone on the evils of pirated DVDs. Our favorite rule: “Take a sip or hearty swig anytime a tech or effects winner is shut down by the orchestra in less than a minute.” Full Game

The Guardian

It would be tough to round up drinking games without including at least one from the British. The Guardian’s Stuart Heritage has a different kind of game, categorized by topic, movie, and drink type. That means you’re drinking vodka if “Anna Karenina” wins for costumes or cinematography, and it very well could. And if “Life of Pi” wins? What else: tiger beer. The game will only work if you have a fully stocked bar and kitchen, but chances are Heritage will be none the wiser if you cheat, so check it out if you want something different. Full Game

FilmDrunk

From Uproxx Media’s movie-culture website comes what the editors are calling your “official” FilmDrunk Oscars drinking game. (Because there are so many unofficial ones?) This one wasn’t the most creative game out there, but the name FilmDrunk kind of warranted its inclusion, so here goes. FilmDrunk’s Vince Mancini, who wrote the post, has stringent rules about what constitutes a “drink,” so be forewarned. The rules include taking a drink, as defined by Mancini, every time someone mentions Obama, guns, or school shootings, so chances are you’ll be drinking a lot. Additional rules include taking a drink the first five times Seth MacFarlane smirks at the end of a sentence, which should go by quickly. Full Game

The Frisky

From the lifestyle website The Frisky comes what is probably the funniest game of the bunch. Amelia McDonell-Parry and the other Frisky staffers have assembled a game that has you taking a big sip if the “camera pans to Ben Affleck when the Best Director award is given out.” That’s a pretty safe bet. Other rules include drinking a glass of wine or beer if Anne Hathaway announces she’s pregnant, taking a big sip if someone tries to one-up Angelina Jolie's “leg moment,” and drinking if Jessica Chastain shows up in a slightly unflattering dress and weird hair. The Hathaway-pregnant thing is a long shot, but stock up on vino just in case. It would be a shame to miss that opportunity. Full Game   

The 85th annual Academy Awards ceremony will be broadcast live on ABC Sunday, with red-carpet coverage beginning at 7 p.m. EST. See a full list of the nominees here.