Beyonce's new Website and Tumblr are nothing more than craven altars to vanity and crass commercialism.
Upon arriving at Beyonce.com, members of the Beyhive -- her ceaselessly loyal fan base -- are greeted by an inexplicably dramatic clip (is it a GIF?) of the ubiquitous singer whipping her hair like Willow Smith.
Her name (printed upside-down) scrolls across the screen in bold white letters, and a number of links guide you to different sections of her site.
The site, which was created at her demand over the past year or so, opens up into strange wormholes of celebrity worship and fetishism, climaxing in the portion dubbed I Am.
Upon clicking on the I Am link, visitors are whisked to a creepy page featuring a spectacularly-odd clip of Beyonce's stoned-looking eyeball, made up like a pop-icon demon, shot through a macro lens and slowly blinking its mascara-clogged lashes.
Laid over the image is a scrawled cursive letter from Bey to her fans, that goes like this: I AM. This is my life, today, over the years - through my eyes. My family, my travels, my love. This is where I share with you, This will continue to grow as I do. (CLICK) Love, Beyonce.
The naked attempt on behalf of Beyonce to try to make a personal connection with her fanbase is wrought even more surreal by the horrific eyeball image that lies behind it, but it compels you to click through to leer voyeuristically at her family, travels and love or whatever lies beyond.
After clicking through to her Tumblr page, a curated menagerie of sanitized family photos reflecting the squishy life of the ultra-rich and famous in all its primped, glib monotony comes through in brilliant colors with perfectly-crafted smiles and moments.
Far from a family album -- which the gallery is couched as and which most die-hard Beyheads will soothe themselves into believing they have been made a party to -- it's more like a Gap spring collection spread featuring music's glitterati.
Every candid shot was clearly snapped by a pro photog with an eye toward polished authenticity and real moments, and they display a range of such slices of life, from pics of her posing nonchalantly in a bikini to ones where Jay-Z is sneaking up behind her or she's sitting alone looking forlorne. In other words, it's just another celeb fangirl site, wrapped in the mythology of personality.
Beyonce.com is clearly the work of a top-flight group of handlers, PR professionals, or a creative team of the highest order. It's not just a place for the reigning queen of R*B to lay out her life for the world to see. It's a cynical bid for more money, more attention, more fame. It's the Beyonce and Jay-Z mantra of ostentatious greed, brought to you by Tumblr.