The suicide note of MMA fighter Jonathan Koppenhaver, who goes by the name War Machine in the ring, has been obtained and released by TMZ. Koppenhaver is in jail awaiting trial on charges of assaulting his ex-girlfriend, porn star Christy Mack. The fighter reportedly tried to kill himself in his Las Vegas jail cell last week but was stopped by a guard.  

The note was apparently sent to a friend the day before the suicide attempt. In it Koppenhaver addresses many of his close friends and family members directly, as well as reflecting on his life and the charges against him.

The note begins and ends with quotes from the German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, including, “To die proudly when it is no longer possible to live proudly.” Koppenhaver also expresses his unwillingness to live a “parasitic life” in jail.

The suicide note takes a turn when the fighter addresses Mack directly. He claims to still love the actress and says he wishes she had never been hurt. But he also seems to blame her for the incident, telling her “there was something different about you [after getting back together]. It drove me crazy.”

Koppenhaver speaks about the night of the incident as well, saying, “Finding what I found that night was devastating to me, more than you will ever know," adding, "not just the unfaithfulness, but the way you cared for him and protected him." The fighter oddly states that he wished he had let Corey Thomas (Mack’s new boyfriend, whom Koppenhaver also allegedly assaulted) beat him up the night of the incident instead so that Mack would have stood by him.

Koppenhaver is awaiting trial for charges of attempted murder, sexual assault, kidnapping and battery after his preliminary hearing was postponed on Friday. Mack had been expected to testify against Koppenhaver in that hearing. It is not yet clear if the suicide note will affect the case.

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