KEY POINTS

  • Holly Madison said she used to be "terrified" of looking at photos of herself 
  • She revealed that doing so would lead to her thinking she had gained weight and that she needed to shed pounds
  • She acknowledged that her view of her body while at the Playboy Mansion got in the way of her enjoying life

Holly Madison is opening up about her struggles with body dysmorphia during her time in the Playboy Mansion.

In a TikTok video posted Sunday, the 41-year-old former reality star got candid about how she viewed her body during her time at the Playboy Mansion.

"So for a recent post, I was looking for pictures of myself in a bunny costume and I came across one. It reminded me of a moment in my life where I was watching a playback of myself in a fashion show and I thought, 'Oh my god, I need to lose weight,'" Madison explained before sharing a photo of herself from 2005.

Madison hoped to start a conversation about the subject to help others realize that their body dysmorphia can be "off the charts," but that they shouldn’t allow it to dictate their lives. She admitted that her worrying about what she wore and how she looked had gotten in the way of her enjoying life and being as happy as she could be. 

"I hope people can take a minute and think about how they think about their own body and is it holding you back by feeling bad about yourself?" the model asked fans.

She continued, "It’s not worth it. It’s not worth feeling bad about yourself. Like, there are things we all want to improve about ourselves, but it’s not even worth taking the time to be miserable."

The "Down the Rabbit Hole" author added that she used to be "terrified" to look at photos of herself, such as the one of her in her iconic bunny suit, because of how her mind would react.

Madison recalled that she "thought I had gained weight, and thought I hadn’t stuck to my diet, and I thought my thighs were huge and I thought, 'I need to lose five pounds at least'" whenever she looked at her own pictures.

"And that’s ridiculous. I look like a stick," she added.

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Madison previously opened up about her time at the Playboy Mansion in her 2015 memoir, "Down the Rabbit Hole: Curious Adventures and Cautionary Tales of a Former Playboy Bunny." In the book, she detailed her lifestyle while at the mansion and shared the myriad of house rules she had to follow.

Madison also revealed that she suffered depression from the alleged verbal and emotional abuse her former lover, Hugh Hefner, subjected her to. She alleged that Hefner was a "manipulator" who pitted them against each other, Entertainment Tonight reported.

Madison dated Hefner from 2001 to 2008. The Playboy founder died in 2017 at the age of 91.

Hugh Hefner, Holly Madison Hugh Hefner (L) and his playmate ex-girlfriend Holly Madison (R), pictured May 25, 2006 celebrating his 80th birthday during the 59th Cannes Film Festival, don't appear to have ended their relationship on good terms. Photo: Getty Images