On Tuesday, “Sister Wives” star Mariah Brown revealed she was gay, and now she is opening up about her struggles.

In an interview with People, Mariah said growing up as a devout fundamentalist Mormon led her to struggle with her own sexuality. Mariah revealed that she was so terrified of being gay that she pushed herself to become a homophobe.

“It was something I was so scared of in myself,” Mariah told People. “If you were to ask me my biggest fear, it would have been to be gay.” Mariah said her fear of being gay had nothing to do with her family but with her church instead.

“I remember being in church, and they talked about how being gay was bad,” she recalled. “But none of that came from my parents. It was from church and the people I was around. One bishop told me gay people were selfish.”

Mariah continued to repress her feelings and wouldn’t even let herself think of the word gay. “People say they try to ‘pray away the gay,’ but I wouldn’t even let myself think the word,” she said. “I just wouldn’t even go there.”

Following sleepless nights and panic attacks, it wasn’t until Mariah started visiting colleges as a senior in high school that she had a change of heart. According to Mariah, one of her guides at the colleges was gay and shared her story.

“That was sort of the start of realizing this is okay,” she said. “My whole life I tried to shut it out. I was finally letting myself be real. I had this image I had to uphold, and when I started letting that go, I realized I didn’t have to be the person I thought I had to be.”

As for Mariah’s family, they have all come out in support of her including her mother Meri Brown who said, “I’m so proud of her for having the strength.” Janelle Brown also spoke about Mariah, saying, “We’re just happy she’s figured out who she is. It’s tremendous when you see a kid do that.”

Although the Mormon Fundamentalism religion does not approve of homosexuality, the Brown family previous came out in support of it. During a 2013 interview with HuffPost Live, Robyn said, “All adults should be able to choose who they love and how they structure their family.”